The Publisher's Desk: I inherited another fortune through fax

It’s happened again, ya’ll.

Another one of my wealthy relatives, who I’ve never heard of before, has died. 

They have, again, left me with a large inheritance, this time more than $16 million.

Last time I promised everyone in town chips and salsa. I don’t know how I’m going to top that. 

Cindy notified me of a fax one morning from MCKERCHER LLP of Saskatoon, Canada. 

Mr. Patrick H. Loran, an attorney, was so kind as to inform me that Mr. Alan Dykowski died eight years ago, and that all attempts to contact his relatives have been unsuccessful. 

Because Uncle Al and I share the same last name and nationality, Mr. Loran said, I might as well claim it.

I’m not sure why Mr. Loran thinks, as he faxes to a Texas fax number, that I share a  nationality with a Canadian, but if the shoe fits, I suppose. 

The fax was very specific on the vital details, which assured me this was, in no way, a scam. 

For example, the form was composed in one font style, but each time the name DYKOWSKI was used, they were sure to make it all caps and bold, as shown. 

That way I wouldn’t miss it, right? 

Also, Uncle Al has left the $16,820,063 with a “Canadian Bank,” having ammased his fortune by working “with Energy Company in Canada.” 

I wonder how Canadian millionaires spend their money? Perhaps donuts instead of chips and salsa. 

Would Uncle Al approve of how I plan to spend his wealth?

Mr. Loran even assures me that as long as I give 10 percent to charity, he’ll be happy to split the rest of the inheritance with me. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never heard of a lawyer who splits an inheritance with the survivors. Generally they take only legal fees for the duty performed. 

I don’t have any time to lose, though. 

“The insurance company code stipulates that ‘insured permanent policies’ not claimed must be turned over to the abandoned property division of the state after 8 years.” 

But Mr. Loran has all the documentation to substantiate my claim as the beneficiary and expedite the process, only needing 30 days to get me my millions. 

Be careful out there, people. Online, faxes, telephone, there are always people looking to take advantage.
Scott Dykowski is the publisher of the Dublin Citizen and can be reached at 445-2515 and

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